The Problem with Personal Development and it’s Links to Trait Neuroticism (TN)
Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist nor do I have an incredibly advanced understanding of neurochemistry. I do however understand a lot of the basic concepts of psychology, motivation and personal development. I have formed my own conclusions that have been incredibly useful for myself, my friends and my clients. I hope you too find these concepts useful, but take them with a grain of salt.
Have you ever experienced a surge of negative emotions but not quite understood where it came from? Have you ever looked at someone who has “everything” and thought to yourself “Ide be so happy if I was them”? You may be experiencing some form of trait neurotism (TN).How our basic human hard-wiring plays a role in our everyday reality
Humans are neurologically hardwired to be social creatures as we have developed through thousands of years of being tribal animals. Humans, as inherently social creatures, generally try to conform to various ‘norms’ to avoid social ramifications. Consequently, humans assume the ‘traits’ of those around us to better navigate the social landscape.
“You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time around”
Said another way, we are absorbing information from others around us on a subconscious level, ie, body language, facial expressions, acknowledgements, agreement, disagreement etc. We are absorbing this information in order to orientate ourselves in the world. This is how your brain maps out your reality and tries to give you signals to adjust your course of action if need be.
It is all part of our biological programming to orientate ourselves in the world and help the system (the human) survive and replicate. You are hardwired to analyse your behaviour, traits, and actions; helping us avoid bad situations which can reduce your survival and replication and move towards positive situations which may aid and abed our survival and replication. This comes from years of conditioning, from parents, friends, colleagues and yourself. It can also come from seeing others traits, characteristics or actions and then comparing yourself to those traits (also know as comparison syndrome)
But how does this programming work? Why do we experience it?
It is because we feel these interactions through negative or positive emotions. In psychology this is referred to as the “positive affect system” and “negative affect system”. Vertebrate animals harbour these psychological systems to support their efforts to survive and replicate in a complicated environment. As vertebrate animals ourselves, we too must learn from our mistakes through analysis and observing the mistakes or successful behaviour of others.
Although humans have access to these two psychological systems, other animals such as dogs are also in-tune with these systems, which allows them to be socially conditioned. Positive and negative rewards are all you need to condition the animal to behave in a suitable manner.
In order to fully understand what trait neuroticism (TN) is, and why all these concepts are important, you need to know how the positive and negative affect system interact with our conscious experience, especially in regard to traits. You also need to understand what I am defining as a trait… so here are some basic definitions:
What Is A Trait?
A trait is a distinguishing quality or characteristic, typically one belonging to a person. You could also refer to these as heireacheys. Anything that can be measured on a scale from 1-10 is in this game, with the masters or leaders being at the top of each trait. Here are some examples: particular skills, appearance, skin, hair, posture, charisma, weight, physique, memory, laziness, work ethic, etc. The list is endless. If you can think of a high level example you can usually think of a low level example and map out the landscape between.
What Is The Positive Affect System?
This is your reward centre in your brain which will make you feel joy, pleasure or satisfaction after you achieve something which you value as a worthy trait or accomplishment.
This is the small spark of joy you feel when you look in the mirror and you are looking good or you have lost weight. Why did you feel great? Because in those situations, you have moved up on your perceived 1-10 scale of that trait spectrum (appearance & physique). Another example is the sense of satisfaction after having an enjoyable social experience or meeting an interesting new person. It is your positive affect system rewarding you.
When people congratulate us or give us attention, we are deeply rewarded. “Good shot”, “well done” and “congratulations on that promotion” are all expressions of social acknowledgment of another’s positive trait or accomplishment. The recipient will soon feel the effects of this social reward from their positive affect system. They have been re-affirmed that they have moved up, or are placing high, on a trait spectrum.
“Be so great they can’t ignore you” is a classic line from the self-development world, which reminds us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, all the hard work will eventually get us that sweet reward.
The person who brags or constantly talks about their traits and accomplishments may be addicted to the positive affect system. They may appear self-absorbed to those around them however, they may be unconsciously seeking a small reward from others acknowledging their high trait or accomplishment. They may have the tendency to regularly think or obsess over their high traits, that spark emotion through the positive affect system.
On a subconscious level, when we see people expressing qualities which we deem as a positive trait, we are usually ‘attracted’ to them. Attraction comes in various forms such as eye contact, interest, envy, lust etc. If someone is an outlier in a specific trait such as skill, physical ability, mental ability, natually we watch and we follow. In short, they get our attention. We think “I want to be more like them”. We idolise them and the things they do. We are drawn towards them, thinking that they may facilitate the growth of that trait in ourselves. We do this with our choices in friends, idols, mentors, social contacts and potential mates. We seek others that mirror our traits or that may help us improve our traits.
The qualities we admire in others are usually high-level attributes which we are seeking to reproduce in ourselves.
You may see someone in the room who has similar traits to you and instantly feel connected to them. I would recommend over the next few days that you try to catch yourself doing this, it can be a very rewarding and consciousness provoking experience.
What Is The Negative Affect System?
The negative affect system, when directed internally, can end in guilt or shame. We constantly think about our own traits, or the traits of others, and make judgements towards ourselves that can result in harsh critique of our own self-worth.
Some consider social media to be bad for self-esteem and ideas of self-worth. Take Instagram for example, users are bombarded by photo-shopped images of those whose lives seem “perfect” and look in better shape than us. If we scroll through Instagram you are bound to think to yourself:
“They are in perfect shape”;
“I wish I could do that skill”; or
“I would be happy if I was on holiday on a tropical island”; or
“That is a really nice car”.
In ancient times you would have very little exposure to so many amazing individuals. Your tribe would be 50-500 people and many of which would have similar characteristics. Now that the internet exists, you can easily consume a wide range of things to compare yourself to.
Many people judge others for having lower level attributes than ourselves, especially if we deem that trait to be valuable. We may despise those who lack the qualities we deem as necessary or fundamental. How fast do we make these judgements? Almost instantly! As soon as you look at another human, on some level your brain is analysing their traits and comparing them to yours.
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